I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Holy shit dude........stairs
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize