I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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