Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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