Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I AM VODKA MAN
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
