seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
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She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
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I got inside last night via doggy door
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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