I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
