I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
