he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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