i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Found the puke drawer
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
