if only i could text you this smell
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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