If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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