he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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