There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
