At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
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