So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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