I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
