I like to think it a success when the cops are called
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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