i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
