The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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