false alarm. still invincible.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
