Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
