This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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