We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
