The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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