his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize