I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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