I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
