took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
