I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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