why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
