I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
