just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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