The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
