The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
