evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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