I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
It's Friday. Sex?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
