yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
