Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
