The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
