For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
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ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
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Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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