my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
