so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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