he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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