But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
