Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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