I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
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You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
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After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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