omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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