You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
So many bounce houses so little time
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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