What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
