I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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