I'd wear matching sweaters with you
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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