I puked a lego.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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