A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
