You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
