I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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