so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
My vagina just recognized that song.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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