She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I know her cup size but not her name....
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