I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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