I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize