They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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