found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
