guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
