2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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