Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
