I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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