My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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