yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize